1) I know the MTA is as broke as MC Hammer, but its service is ridiculous. My MetroCard keeps costing more and more and yet I’m waiting longer and longer for a train. I rode four separate lines this past weekend: the E, F, 2 and 4. I waited on the platform between 15 and 20 minutes for each! I’m sorry, are the cars being pulled by oxen? It is impossible to plan your travel accordingly in New York anymore because you have absolutely zero way of predicting when the hell you’ll be lucky enough to get on a damn train.
2) And who are these people that choose to stand right next to you on an empty subway platform? You have endless empty space in which to stand, yet you choose to stand 3 feet from me? You clearly must have wanted to read that Scott Pilgrim vs. The World movie poster very badly. Either that, or you’re a raving lunatic psychokiller. Move the fuck over!
3) I hate those people who hesitate before going onto an escalator. It’s an escalator, not a fire pit! You’re not stepping over rattlesnakes. Keep the lines moving please. Your 1.5-second hesitation causes me to bump into your sweaty ass and the guy’s briefcase behind me to nail me on the back of the knee. I can only assume you’ve had at least 30 years to master the art of the escalator mount, yet you still fail. Go drown yourself.
4) Street sweepers are useless. They only succeed in widening the surface area of the filth in New York City streets. They just spread the slime around. Have you ever noticed that it usually smells WORSE after they sweep than before? (And for those of you too dense to get that—I’m talking about the trucks, not the nice men and women who clean our streets out there.)
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