I have a tremendous amount of pet peeves, in case you couldn’t tell from my previous musings. I hate when people pull something I’m reading out of my hand. I hate when people blast their music out of their headphones on the subway. And I can’t stand when people comment on the food I’m eating (I have a close friend who is notorious for this). But along the same lines, I cannot stand when people are picky about their foods—what they eat, what they’ll try, how they want things prepared, or even how they modify an order. Basically I’m Harry and everyone else is Sally … and it irks me. (For the record, I married Sally; her I love.)
It is in this vein that I ask: What the hell is a well-done bagel? A steak well-done? Sure, because it is consumed immediately after being cooked. Bacon well done? Of course; hey, if you want it crispy then let it cook longer. Even if it’s cold it remains crispy. But a bagel? C’mon.
A bagel is already cooked—and usually is cool—when it is ready for consumption. A dozen or so go in the oven at the same time, so while a few may sit a teeny bit closer to the heat source, they are all pretty much cooked to the same temperature, for the exact same amount of time. They all taste the same. Maybe one has a browner spot than another, but big wup! Do you walk into a pizzeria and ask for a well-done slice? No, you just let them reheat the one up front. It’s a friggin’ bagel, man! Toast it if you want it well-done. Otherwise, get your everything with a schmear and call it a day.
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