Smell of success?

I think Abercrombie certainly has the monopoly on the dirty frat boy look. And I know there is no shortage of rich Long Island boys who go off to Indiana or Delaware or Towson and sport this look. But then those kids grow up and maybe have to look a tad more respectable but still want to be able to buy a pair of sweatpants or rock a polo with an elk on it on the weekend. Well Abercrombie is making it pretty much impossible.

I know this is going to make me sound like an old fart (bear in mind I graduated college in this decade), but I can’t get within 100 yards of an Abercrombie anymore. First off, there’s generally a half naked man at the front door with abs like a MMA fighter to remind me what I USED to look like. Then there’s the techno music, which is so unbelievably loud and horrible that I would think I was still at the Limelight in 1999. Then, of course, you get inside and see that everyone in there is between 13 and 17 years old. Normally I’d enjoy the view of a cute 17 year old girl—as all men would—but I’m just left feeling like a pedophile because they are usually dressed in either shorts up to their vaginas or Victoria’s Secret sweatpants that just don’t quite reach the top of their ass cracks. … And they are usually standing right next to their moms!

But I think worst of all is the smell! My god, does anybody actually put that shit on their bodies? It is so nauseating to think that’s actually a cologne. And that some savvy marketing exec at Abercrombie thinks it a good idea to circulate that stuff from the air vents. Just to give you an idea of how strong it is: I was at the Miracle Mile this weekend on Long Island. Abercrombie is a few stores over from Crate and Barrel, and from the back side it is also UP A HILL. The distance from Crate and Barrel to Abercrombie must have been 100 yards and up an entire story, and the moment I stepped outside of C&B I could smell the stench emanating from Abercrombie. Fuck it, from now on if I want a muscle tee that says ‘Fitch’ with a picture of a bulldog on it I’ll borrow it from my little brother.

(Aside: To contrast Abercrombie’s stench, what is it that The Body Shop wafts out of their store front at the 57^th and Lex location or the one just off 71^st Ave. on Austin Street? That shit is fucking delicious. And you can usually smell it for like three blocks. Takes a lot to make a NYC street smell like a fruit salad, but that stuff is so incredible I’m liable to lick the sidewalk in search of it.)